Dialogue Tags and Action Beats part 2: Punctuation and Capitalization

We talked a while ago about punctuation and capitalization of dialogue that precedes action beats. But what if the dialogue comes after an action beat?

A common error is to string everything together with commas, but that creates logic issues, and often, unintentional humor.

Incorrect (and unintentionally humorous):
Bart sucked air through his teeth, "I don't date extraterrestrials."
What's really going on in this example? Bart is simultaneously sucking air through his teeth and attempting to speak. Try it: speak while inhaling, with your teeth clenched. Nearly impossible and pretty silly, isn't it?

Correct:
Bart sucked air through his teeth. "I don't date extraterrestrials."
In this example, Bart first has a reaction that physically shows his discomfort, and then he speaks. The reader digests one idea at a time, and the story flows smoothly.

Also correct but less desirable, since the speech tag is unnecessary:
Bart sucked air through his teeth, then said, "I don't date extraterrestrials."

So when you're checking your manuscript for the capitalization and punctuation of dialogue, remember these two rules:
A complete sentence starts with a capital letter (there are exceptions involving colons).
Avoid splicing an action beat and a line of dialogue together with a comma.

Happy writing! ☺

A Deadly Wilderness

Disclaimer: (Really? This is necessary?) I have received no compensation for the opinions I've expressed in this post.

My good friend and critique partner Kelly Irvin writes romantic suspense best read before dark. I've read Kelly's stuff for several years, so I know this to be true. Seriously, folks, Kelly Irvin will scare the peanuts out of you. You've been warned.







Here's a taste of her picante debut novel, A Deadly Wilderness.

An idyllic wilderness hike turns deadly when homicide detective Ray Johnson tumbles into a ravine and lands on a corpse.

Not just any corpse, but the son of a prominent citizen that turns the case into a political hot potato.

Ray teams up with his troubled partner and their boss to solve the murder before city leaders bump them from the case and out of their jobs. And before the twin temptations of alcohol and lust can derail his colleagues.

Their determination to find the man’s killer leads them from the wealthiest enclaves in San Antonio to the city’s dark underbelly inhabited by a drug cartel and paid assassins.
At a crisis hotline center, a frantic anonymous call propels counselor Susana Martinez-Acosta smack into the center of the investigation and into Ray’s arms. Exactly where she doesn’t want to be. Following the tragic death of her husband, she’s struggled to build a safe haven for herself and her son. That new world doesn’t include hit men and persistent detectives with dangerous jobs.

As the pressure builds to solve the case, Ray finds himself with multiple missions: solve a murder . . . save a partner from career suicide and another from matrimonial destruction . . . and win a woman’s heart.

And stay alive to enjoy happily ever after.

A Deadly Wilderness is a romantic suspense novel that will take the reader along on a tumultuous journey as the consuming need for material wealth drives a deadly wedge among family members who haven’t learned when enough really is enough.

The journey ends where it began—in a deadly wilderness. Not everyone will survive the trip.

Motivation and Reaction: Proportion

When you dig deep and get emotion on the page, be wary of going too far with the character's reaction and making it cartoonish and unbelievable.

Say an old flame enters the room, and your heroine passes out from the shock of seeing him. Unless he's a serial killer she's been fleeing and she has extremely low blood sugar, fainting is too strong a reaction. The balance is off. But assuming he's not a serial killer and her blood sugar is fine, she might choke on her drink or jut out her chin, while noticing her hands have become moist.

A combination of subtle, preferably conflicting emotional reactions (à la The Fire in Fiction) is much more believable—and interesting to read.

Happy writing. : )

Developmental Editing Expert

Sometimes editors need editors, too.

I recently had the chance to polish some of my own writing by working with author and editor Nikki Arana's expertise in high-level structural/developmental edits. I knew my plot was solid, but I wanted a second opinion. And since I respect Nikki's storytelling ability a great deal, she was my first choice of editors.

Nikki pinpointed exactly what I needed to change in order to take a decent manuscript and make it a whole lot stronger.

My hat is off to you, Nikki. ☺

CROWN Promotion Network

Here's a new promo opportunity organized by Kathy Maher and Debbie Lynne Costello. The idea is based on authors helping authors.


Announcing CROWN:

Civil War,

Reconstruction and

Other historic

Writers

Network

CROWN is a network of writers whose focus and passion is creating God-honoring fiction set in 1800’s America, who share marketing opportunities to promote one another.

Our purpose for CROWN is to create a viral network of quid-pro-quo promotion and influence for our genre and individual books. Participants of CROWN enjoy an internet buzz over their new releases via author interviews, blog tours, reader discussion/review campaigns, forum participation, and social networking. In addition, grass-roots campaigning at local bookstores and libraries, speaking engagements, and book signings.

Imagine the power of numbers working for you.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CROWNfictionmarketing/

or contact us:
mahereenie@yahoo.com (Kathy Maher)
debbielynnecostello@hotmail.com (Debbie Lynne Costello)

Three-Book Contract: Laurie Alice Eakes

A big congratulations to Laurie Alice Eakes!

Laurie Alice Eakes has just signed a three-book contract for a Regency historical series for Baker/Revell. Once Widowed, Twice Shy; Fool Me Twice, and Three Times the Charm are her ninth, tenth, and eleventh books to go to contract since December of 2008, seven of them with CBA publishers.

Writing Opportunity: paying market

From the Hurray GOD! Web site:

"HURRAY GOD! is all about lifting up the name of Jesus Christ, God’s only Son, through true and authentic answered prayer stories. We know God still answers prayer today, and we are dedicated to publishing stories about real people who have experienced real life answers to prayer. Stories that will bring hope, inspiration, and encouragement to people the world over."

See their guidelines.